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The Weird Words of Wisdom
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1. Porcupines are NOT cute and cuddly play things.
2. Always look both ways before crossing the street. Then look up for falling monkeys.
3. If you spread peanut butter on celery, then put raisins over it, you have a yummy healthy treat!
4. I'm having a two for one sale on Genderless Kittens today.
5. No I will NOT touch you there for a dollar!
6. The truly cool people aren't afraid to make ass' of themselves.
7. Puppie dogs are NOT a significant source of Vitamin C.
8. Consult a physician before following any of these words of wisdom.
9. NEVER try to smoke a real Camel!
10. Never say anything infront of you're friends if you're not 100% sure it won't get you beaten up.
11. Never try to cheat a Pimp out of his money.
12. Alley Ernst is not sane. She is armed and dangerious. If you see her, contact the officials IMMEDIATELY!
13. If you can hit a squirrel with a clear conscience, you're a sick, sick person. I'd suggest some serious therapy and immediate license suspension. -Gimpy
14. NEVER play Tea Party with your Highschool friends.
15. The Chipmunks are listening, don't trust them.
16. Don't dress in your mother's lingerie when nobody's around. It's not a mentally healthy hobbie.
17. Hey... no wonder my foot hurt, there's a chunk of skin hanging off of it!
18. It's not a good idea to spend most of your Summer Vacation in the back of a police cruiser.
19. If you have a mole growing on your foot the size of a kitten, I suggest you contact a physician as soon as possible.
20. If a Geni ever offers to grant you a wish, wish for more wishes.
21. Don't under-estimate the power of the darkside.
22. If I had a dime for every time a woman has screamed out my name in the middle of the night, I'd be broke.
22. Ducks are kind, gentle creatures. Be kind to them and feed them bread.
23. Take it from me, Chickens do NOT make good Quarterbacks.
24. Nothing beats the home-made taste of Cambells Soup.
25. The only thing I'd rather do than update this web page frequently, I can't say in front of children under the age of 13.
26. Low Fat Yogurt does NOT make a good substitute for hand lotion.
27. For a good time call 1-973-875-1228. Ask for Big Al.
28. If you are pregnant or have a history of back problems, I suggest you don't fallow any advice found on this page.
29. It's not a good idea to hold your Highschool Principal hostage and damand As on your report card. Always go for hard cash.
30. Being weird helps you stand out.
31. It's not a good idea to dress up in a chicken outfit and call yourself "Chicken Man".
32. If you're reading this now, you need to find more productive ways to spend your on-line time.
33. Raise your hand if you take a shower every morning.
34. Raise your hand if you take a shower every night.
35. If you don't have one of your hands raised, you are a dirty freak and need to take a shower as soon as possible, before pigeons start to peck at your head, thinking it's an old, stinky, expired head of lettuce.
36. I did NOT have sexual relations with Monica Lewinsky, or anyone else for that matter.
37. Thirtyseven is the greatest number of all-time. Bow down and pray before the number thirtyseven!
38. Cherise Boutin; She could give a dog a bone!
39. Slim Jims are made from Horse Penis....
40. Liar! I was a perfect lady last night!
41. Only touch me if you love me.
42. If you're still reading this, I pitty you.
43. *CAUTION* Wet floor
44. The Weird Words of Wisdom are always served fresh daily!
45. Fried Yak is NOT part of this complete breakfast.
46. 3D people in there little worlds will never no the true plesure of shiny pants.
47. Never mistake a live power line for a Good Humor Almond Ice Cream Bar.
48. Never name your child "Kick Me".
49. Sometimes, if you listen very carefully, you can hear you car battery reciting Wednesday's New York winning Lottery numbers.
50. 50's a nice round number.. yep.
51. Just be yourself and not accomplish anything, ever, because if you do, you either cheated or you're a winner for doing it, and nobody likes a cheater or winner. -The Grape Tree Man
52. The woman that you love with all of your heart and soul, IS "porkin'" some other greasy, sweaty man. Night after night, over and over and over again. Porkin', porkin', porkin'! Greasy, fat, sweaty, stinky, thick, sticky, hot pork.
53. Four Waterbuffolo never share the same plate of food if they're all hungy. It just wouldn't be enough.
54. He who eats the candy that makes you dandy is likely to wake up with a headache.
55. If they're going to dress as women, they must learn how to dress properly. We don't want transvestites to frighten children.
56. May The Bird of Paradise fly up your nose.
57. I'm not some queer hentai fairy that wears a leotard and hops around the internet e-mailing young children hentai.
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